Friday, July 16, 2010

New Beginnings

What a week...what a week.

So, I'm officially living at home again. I moved out of our apartment on Monday and have been in Durham ever since. It was a big step for me, but it was something that needed to be done. I know that many people don't understand why I did what I did, and that's okay. I may lose friends over this. But I realized a while ago that I have no clue who I am as a person. For 4 years, I knew who US was. I knew what Katie and Adam liked, and I knew who Katie and Adam were...but going straight from high school into a committed relationship and being engaged for 4 years didn't allow me the time that I needed to actually grow up and discover who I truly am. So this new adventure that I'm going on is one of self discovery and independence. I've been so reliant on someone to do everything for me for 4 years, and it's time for me to grow up and become an independent woman before it's too late--I graduate in December and I get thrown out in the real world from there. Adam is not a bad man and I will always care about him, I could never hate him or not speak to him again. It wasn't anything that he did as a person that made me leave, and I hope everyone understands this. If not, I'm sure there's a time in your life that you're going to come to a fork in the road and you have to decide which path to take. Yes, no one really saw it coming. But no one saw the struggle that I went through within myself, either. I didn't really let it surface until a few weeks prior to my move out.

I'm leaving for Vegas in less than 48 hours--woooohoooo!!! AND when I come back, I get to fly by myself for the first time EVER. eeeeep. What a way to start off my new independent adventure!!! Chance are I won't have access to the internet to update, but I will surely update and post pictures when I get back :)

I'm heading out for the evening--toodles! :)


  1. I'm not trying to be mean, but how can you say this is a journey of "self discovery" and "independence" and you have a new boyfriend roughly a month later? And how do you think it feels for Adam to see you say you NOW have "the most incredible boyfriend"...I just feel really bad for him. This is honestly coming from a place of love, how are you ever going to find yourself if you just define who you are based on the person you're with? You say you "love" your boyfriend on your Facebook and not two months ago you were engaged to someone else? Take some time for yourself and actually learn how to be independent. That is what you said you wanted to do after all, right?


  2. I just saw this comment, and it's now 6 months later. I'm pretty sure I know who you are, and I'm sorry that you feel the way you do. There were people who were VERY close to me (you being one of them, I believe) who were so blind to everything that was going on because you chose not to see it. My family saw how miserable I was with him. I wasn't happy. I wasn't treated the way that I should have been treated. We weren't right for each other. I don't wish anything bad upon him and I hope that he's happy, but I am also happy where I am in life. I'm not dependent upon anyone anymore. I was able to discover who I am and become independent because I was ALLOWED to do those things. While I was with Adam, I wasn't allowed to do those things. I was who he wanted me to be. Yes, Zach and I live together. However, I am very independent. I have my own full time teaching job and support myself fully. I pay all of my own bills, and have learned what I like and what I don't like. I don't define myself based on who I am with. It just so happened that I met Zach right at a time where things were going wrong. God put him in my life for a reason. I don't feel bad about what I did. Period. End of story.